TONIGHT’S VIEWING

8:00
CBS Gore Squad Elite investigators uncover a different child murder every week.
WTF Unknown Mysteries: The Real Facts Exciting re-enactments of events that never happened.
XXX Movie: Satanic Rites of Lesbula (Erotic Horror)
CBC Chung’s Beat An Asian-Canadian detective and her Aboriginal partner solve crimes in Vancouver’s underworld.

9:00
MOV Love Is Flying High (1933) A nightclub singer and a test pilot find romance in the Great Depression (B&W)
KID The Magic of Rainbow Friendships
TSN Hockey: Aliens vs. Predators
MTV Auto-Tune Countdown Fake music by fake musicians

10:00
FOX Joe Biden: The Real Story Special report on the US president’s untold allegiance to Beelzebub.
ZZZ American Idlers Reality series about intense rivalries among people sitting around watching TV.
KID Wishes, Dreams, and Princesses

11:00
NBC Slaughter Division Special agents analyze a different school massacre every week.
TSN Basketball Drones vs. Insurgents
HBO The F-Word Gritty cast of eccentrics and their writers take advantage of cable content regulations.
MOV My Country, ‘Tis of Thee (1943) A soldier and a nurse find love during World War II (B&W)
PBS Bill Moyers Presents The veteran journalist hosts a symposium on why all of America, except for PBS donors, sucks.

12:00
XXX Movie: May It Please the Court (Erotic Legal Drama)
FOX Telling It Like It Really Is Scrupulously objective investigations of communist liberal lies.
WTF Unsolved Bible Suppositions Was Jeremiah a bullfrog?
CBC The Adventures of Jane Finch Laughter and love among a Jamaican-Canadian family.
CNN Attractive Anchors All the latest news, delivered by vapid celebrity spokesmodels.
TSN UFC: Kramer vs. Kramer

12:30
AHA At Home With the Vulgars (animated comedy series) Tonight: Lil’ Peewee befriends a white supremacist at Aunt Connie’s explicit photo shoot.
MAD Abattoir Makeover

1:00
ABC Code Extreme Red Intelligence operatives prevent a different terrorist attack every week
HBO Transgender Biker Crack Addicts Hard-hitting tales of regular people. Tonight: Grandma fellates the gang.
MOV My Name Is Hate (1972) A hippie and a Vietnam vet go on a killing spree.
TSN Football Anabolics at Roid Ragers
ZZZ Secrets of Hitler’s Moustache Forensic scientists uncover the never-before-disclosed truth behind the Nazi dictator’s facial hair.

1:30

LOL Inappropriately Touched by an Angel

2:00
NBC All-Star Salute to GG Allin Legendary self-destructive punk performer paid tribute by Travis Tritt, Alicia Keys, Jay-Z, Tom Hanks, others. Host: Drew Barrymore
CNN Bread & Circuses Uplifting stories to divert proletarian rage.
T&A Beach Volleyball: Thongs vs. Bikinis

2:30
YUM Scrumptious Recipes For Cheese-based Appetizers of Northeastern Tuscany Cooking tips you will never use.
FTW The Plastics Typical suburban family. Tonight: Ashley overhears Carter on Skype with Brooke, texts Courtney and posts on Mackenzie’s Instagram.

3:00
WTF Haunted Legends of True Ghosts Psychic researchers explore made-up bullshit.
KID Enchanted Kingdom of Product Placement
CBC Harry Krishna’s Hat Trick Indo-Canadian hockey player juggles home and career.

3:30
BLA You Make Me Sick Positive family therapy with bestselling author Dr. Ted Asol.
CCR Sharks: Scary Fish That Are Fun To Watch Attack People

4:00
XXX Movie: Eat Me In St. Louis (Erotic Musical)
TSN Hockey NY Concussion at LA Felony
CBS Hollywood Alarmist Unit Greedy TV producers exploit a different public anxiety every week.
MOV Metalheads (1987) Two teenagers develop the ability to turn into robots
NFG Just Us Girls B-level celebrities gossiping.
BOC Hit the Showers Sports commentators gossiping.
NEW No Holds Barred Political journalists gossiping.
NAT Natural Wonders of the Great Outdoors Now in HD (Close-captioned)
UGH Me and My Colostomy